HELLO AND WELCOME to The Big Review of WWE Backlash 2020!
With tons of titles on the line, the Greatest Wrestling Match Ever set to dazzle us in the main event, and the Performance Center’s absurdly-large roof fan spinning like our lives depend on it, we’re all set for yet another night of wonderful pro wrestling mayhem.
I mean, what business does it have being so big? Does it actually cool the room? Why is nobody asking these questions?
I’m Mike, and as always, I’ll be doing the written equivalent of live-reacting to the show since I’m about to watch it, start to finish, for the first time. I’m settled down, strapped in and snacked up, so with that said, let’s get cracking into the kickoff show!
Apollo Crews (c) vs Andrade w/ Zelina Vega
Singles match for the WWE United States Championship
Purely on the basis that he’s only just won the belt, I’m picking Smiley Smiley Apollo Smiley to retain his title against the former champ. Zelina Vega’s boys are falling apart like a house of crabs, which I suspect might play into the finish here with Angel Garza inadvertently costing Mr. 100 the win. I really hope it’s a clean finish, though. Crews is an amazing talent that, if trusted, could go on a John Cena’s Open Challenge-style run with the belt that would elevate both it and himself into the upper midcard.
My prediction: Apollo Crews to retain
Shame this is on the kickoff show, especially since it starts with a nice surprise: Kevin Owens, adorned with one of Byron Saxton’s ties, joins the commentary table and is exactly as funny as you’d expect.
In the ring, Crews and Andrade make a predictably-explosive start. Both guys can hit some incredible moves and will also bump like champions for one another, and that’s pretty much how this goes.
Apollo launches Andrade all over the shop, both inside and outside the ring – and while the former luchador does recover to hit his double knees, he then loses a slap-off and ends up being catapulted into the turnbuckle via an overhead belly-to-belly from the champion – highly impressive stuff.
A Stinger Splash/spinebuster combo puts Apollo in firm control before Andrade hits a beautiful, err… float-over draping DDT? Yes, yes, that sounds about right. That gets a two count before Apollo recovers, hits his standing moonsault/Shooting Star press combo, and as he goes for the cover, Angel Garza is up on the apron to interfere – STUNNER FROM KO! Back in the ring, Apollo hits his tossed sit-out powerbomb for the one, two, three!
Winner: Apollo Crews (1/1)
Great match. Not that long at only eight minutes, but a great taster for what these guys could do together if they were given more time. A 15- or even 20-minute match between these guys could be a classic.
That’s it for the kickoff show – time for the main card!
Bayley and Sasha Banks (c) vs The IIconics vs Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross
Tag Team Triple Threat Match for the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship
All I really hope from this match is that the Women’s Tag Team Titles come out of it looking stronger, because I fear they are being used as props to further the inevitable disintegration of Bayley and Banks when there’s a perfectly good Smackdown Women’s Championship already sitting on Bayley’s other shoulder.
The pair didn’t need to win the titles to further their storyline, but since they have – and only just have – I’m going to say that they retain, but serious cracks will appear. I’d love to see an IIconics win here. Come on you pair of bladdy flaming galahs!
My prediction: Bayley and Sasha Banks to retain
Three women will be in the ring together at any one time, so this is a triple threat match where competitors can tag out to their partners. We start with Bayley, Kay and Cross in the ring, who go for a very short while before all tagging out to their respective partners.
After two huge kicks from each of the IIconics, the story of the match becomes that the Aussies form a very, very loose alliance with Bayley and Banks where each team regularly backstabs each other – very fun. Bayley and Banks hit a massive double-team move that ends with Billie Kay getting a kneecap right in the temple but Nikki Cross breaks up the pinfall before the champs can retain – great little near-fall.
Cross gets the hot tag to Alexa Bliss, who comes in an absolutely cleans up, taking out all four of her opponents. However, the sequence comes to an end with Peyton Royce hitting a cross body through the ropes, through Banks and Bliss, and onto everyone else down on the floor – big spot that looked very dangerous for Royce, but thankfully, she’s okay.
The IIconics then hit the Gimmick Theft kneecap to the temple on Bayley in a move that looked exactly the same as the one the champions hit earlier, but Bliss-Cross step in to interrupt and hit a double team flapjack/DDT on Royce! She’s down! Bliss goes to the top, hits Twisted Bliss on Royce – it’s surely over! Banks is in, she rolls up Bliss as she goes for the pin, and Banks steals it! Sasha steals the win!
Winners: Bayley and Sasha Banks (2/2)
I’m glad to get my prediction right, and while I thought the champions would fall out at some point during this match, there was no dissent at all. Good to see, and a good title defence. Where’s this going, I wonder?
Jeff Hardy vs Sheamus
Jeff left with the upper hand on TV this week after throwing a urine sample in Sheamus’s face. Textbook stuff. Can’t believe they didn’t save that one for the Greatest Wrestling Match Ever! Randy will be furious.
Everyone and their mothers, including all the lads at Cultaholic, think Sheamus is a brogue-in for this one… but I don’t, and neither do plenty of my Hooked On colleagues. I reckon Hardy will get a cheeky win over Sheamus that justifies the Celtic Warrior taking things further and further in the coming weeks, with a huge blowoff match at SummerSlam. This could be an amazing long-term feud if they build it that way, and for that to happen, I think the heel has to lose first.
My prediction: Jeff Hardy, piece of piss
Sheamus takes control in the early going of this match and screams, “YOU’RE GONNA PISS ON ME? HUH?” into the face of Jeff Hardy, which I mean, he didn’t really piss on you, fella. I’m sure he wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.
Sheamus beats the ever-loving crap out of Hardy for the opening few minutes until he eventually lifts Jeff into a vertical suplex position before crotching him over the top of the turnbuckle – there’ll be no urine tests today, that’s for sure.
Jeff looks like he might be in actual trouble after that. He’s limping off his right leg, and when Sheamus goes for a sort of spinning uranage straight afterwards, Jeff is planted on his arm and the side of his head, and yeah… I’ve got to say, this doesn’t look great. The ref leaps in to check on Hardy, Sheamus hits a knee off the top and covers for two. I really hope Jeff is okay here. He looks like he’s struggling.
Sheamus is far less concerned than I am, which is probably the right approach for him, in fairness. He crushes Jeff with two Irish Curse backbreakers before slapping Hardy into a sleeper that he escapes from, but is immediately crushed with a brutal running knee from the Celtic Warrior that only gets a two count. My goodness, the replay is sickening on that knee. If Hardy was a new callup, I’d think this was a hazing from Sheamus.
He screams at the commentators for a bit before returning to that rear choke, which Jeff escapes from to hit a rear suplex, then Whisper in the Wind for two! Hardy makes a comeback and gets a couple of two counts. After some happy slapping, Hardy is up top and Sheamus is down! Could this be the Swanton Bomb?! NO! Hardy is well off-balance and it gives Sheamus time to shove him off the top rope and hit White Noise for two! This is awesome, the crowd should be saying.
Sheamus continues to dominate Hardy and it seems like only a matter of time… but the Warrior makes a mistake! Into the turnbuckle! Twist of Fate! SWANTON BOMB! It’s over! It’s over! One! Two! NO!! Foot on the rope! Foot on the bottom rope at two and seven eighths! Now THAT was a false finish. Brilliant stuff.
Sheamus escapes to the outside, Jeff dances along the barricade and goes for a dive… BROGUE KICK! Brogue Kick on Hardy outside the ring! We’re back in the ring, a second Brogue Kick finishes off Hardy, and that’s your lot.
Winner: Sheamus (2/3)
Really great match. I still think Hardy should have taken a beating but still won after that Swanton Bomb, but either way, this was a great match. Sheamus looked like a monster, Jeff ate all sorts of offense and still came back… it was everything you want a pro wrestling match to be. Wonderful.
Asuka (c) vs Nia Jax
Singles match for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship
Asuka’s first title defence since being handed the Raw Women’s Championship by The Man. She’s simply got to retain here; in fact, if Nia Jax wins, I riot.
My prediction: Asuka
I expect this will be relatively short. Asuka goes for strikes and submissions on the much larger Jax, who uses her power advantage to continually fight her way out. Asuka’s octopus lock looks brutal, but after Nia escapes, she spends the next few minutes hitting huge power moves on the champion, as you’d expect.
The match is fairly elementary, in truth. They follow this formula for the next six or seven minutes: Asuka submission attempt, Jax power out, rinse and repeat. Asuka is mostly going after Nia’s left arm, and after getting her into an armbar over the top rope, she then slaps on a spinning armbar on the floor. The referee is counting. He’s up to seven, eight… Jax picks up Asuka into a powerbomb, nine, Asuka escapes and boots Jax in the face… 10! Double countout. Well well well, I didn’t expect that.
Winner: Nobody (2/4) but still Raw Women’s Champion: Asuka
Double-countout then, I suppose. Check my squib, for I believe it may be damp.
Braun Strowman (c) vs The Miz & John Morrison
2-on-1 Handicap match for the WWE Universal Championship
I’m very interested in this match because I think it will see the return of Bray Wyatt to Strowman’s airspace. I have a vision of Wyatt appearing to “help” Strowman retain, though I’m sure he’ll barely need it, and use it to move forward his post-Wrestlemania threats to bring Braun ‘home’.
Even if that doesn’t happen it’s still Strowman for me, Clive. Miz and Morrison Laycooling the Universal Title could be fun if it wasn’t in these circumstances, but since this is Strowman’s inaugural run with the big belt and there’s very little serious feud behind this match, switching it off him would be madness.
My prediction: Braun Strowman
Pre-match, we hear Miz and Morrison’s new song which also serves as their entrance music. It’s called Hey, Hey Hey and it sounds like someone heard Kenny Omega’s theme and wondered how they could make it about seven thousand times worse. They succeeded, in a way.
Strowman enters to interrupt, and the match starts. Miz/Morrison have to tag in and out, so in the ring, the match is one v one. The pair try to use their advantage to distract Strowman and take control, and to be fair, they largely do. Morrison is leaping all over the place and looks phenomenal, and craftily, the two heels do manage to ground Strowman for a few minutes.
A double DDT on Strowman leads the big man to kick out quickly, but he does look pretty rocked, as if one of Morrison’s many flying kicks might have actually clipped his jaw. There’s no doubt, however, that Strowman is going to hulk up and make a comeback soon… and there it is. Slap to Miz, right hand to Morrison. Strowman launches Miz across the ring, charges in… Morrison with the kick! And another! Double team stomp/Skull Crushing Finale! It could be over! My goodness!!
Morrison covers! One! Two! MIZ PULLS MORRISON OFF STROWMAN! Miz realises he’s screwed up, puts Morrison back on top of Braun, but he kicks out and launches JoMo all the way out of the ring in the process. The heels have bottled it, and that clears the path for Strowman to destroy Miz with a chokeslam before hitting a quick Running Powerslam on Morrison for the three.
Winner: Braun Strowman (3/5)
This was actually pretty well done. It was only seven minutes long, which makes sense to me – two against one can only go so long before it becomes inevitable that the one loses.
Miz/Morrison looked great on offense and were a serious threat to the title, but their dissent led to their downfall. It’s not a vintage defence for Strowman, but the important thing is, I got my prediction right.
Drew McIntyre (c) vs Bobby Lashley
Singles match for the WWE Championship
Another retention, surely. I like the way Lashley has been built since his renewed alliance with MVP (shout out Impact!), but much like when Wyatt faced Strowman too soon after the big man had won it to feel like a viable threat, so the same goes here for Big Boaby. He should have spent a few months, with MVP at his heels, annihilating everyone he came across on the Raw roster before stepping up to Drew. As such, I think Ayrshire’s largest man will retain his title here and keep it for the foreseeable.
My prediction: Drew McIntyre
MVP squares up to Drew as the entrances are still going on, and Lashley sneaks behind him… LASHLEY WITH THE FULL NELSON! The match hasn’t started, but Lashley has that huge full nelson locked in! Three referees can’t get Lashley off McIntyre!
Lashley eventually releases the hold and the match starts, but Drew is going in hurt, and we’ve seen how devastating that Lashley submission can be. Great way to start this match. I’m seriously invested already.
The bell rings and the match starts – Lashley beats down Drew and hits a massive vertical suplex for a pin attempt before Drew has even taken his coat off. McIntyre tries to rally but is levelled by Lashley. Bobby continues the beatdown for the next solid few minutes; Drew occasionally gets a lick in, but Bobby always takes back over.
When the action spills to the outside, Drew momentarily gets the upper hand, before Lashley grabs him into a fireman’s carry and smashes the Scot’s face into the ring post. He then gets too cocky, going for a spear on Drew, who sidesteps and launches Bobby into the barricade! I’ll tell you what, this is a serious heavyweight clash. I bloody love it.
It’s McIntyre’s turn to have a little go. He hits a clothesline and a few power moves that finish with a massive spinebuster for two, then Bobby reverses into a chokeslam of sorts that Drew kicks out of at one! I’ll tell you what, Drew has kicked out of a lot of Bobby’s offence at one. I think it’s going to be a theme for his title reign.
He kicks out of another Lashley slam at one, but Bobby leaps up and goes for that Full Nelson finisher! He can’t get it in! Drew reverses, reverse Alabama Slam for two! This is a great match. These two big lads are so darned athletic that this is a proper spectacle.
Lashley catches Drew into a crossface submission that is tremendously well executed, but Drew manages to get up and reverse into… a Tombstone?! He’s got Lashley in the Tombstone Piledriver position! Will we see it?! NO! Lashley denies us an Undertaker chant by picking the ankles of Drew and turning the whole affair into an ankle lock!
Great storytelling. Lashley can’t pin Drew, so he’s going exclusively for submissions at the behest of MVP. Genuinely really good stuff here.
A scary superplex from McIntyre onto a slipping Lashley leads to Lashley getting up and crushing a spear on Drew for two – MVP can’t believe it! Nobody can believe it! And here comes Lana down to ringside, past MVP, up onto the apron…
She’s telling the referee he cheated! I mean, he’s the ref. He’s just slapping the mat every now and then. MVP is behind Lana on the floor and remonstrates with her to get down as Drew shoves Lashley towards his wife. He stops just in time, but turns into a Glasgow Kiss from Drew that knocks him back into Lana, who falls onto MVP at ringside!
Everyone is down except for Drew, and when the camera returns to the ring, he’s giving Bobby brain damage with one of the slappiest Claymores I’ve ever seen, and just like that, it’s over – Lana has cost Bobby the big one. Drew retains.
Winner: Drew McIntyre (4/6)
Really awesome match. MVP’s guidance seemed to be leading Lashley to the WWE Championship before Lana got involved and ruined everything. It’s a really impressive defence for Drew and a good bit of character development for Lashley, Lana and Montel. Looking forward to seeing how this moves forward on Raw!
The Street Profits (c) vs. The Viking Raiders
Tag Team Match for the Raw Tag Team Championships
You’ve seen them compete in basketball, golf, axe throwing and bowling, but now there’s just one question burning the lips of everyone in the WWE Universe: which one of these teams would win at tiddlywinks?
I’m afraid you’re not going to find out tonight, because on this fine evening, these two teams are going totally off-brand by wrestling (??) for the Raw Tag Team Championships. To be quite honest with you, I think if whatever happens here spells the end of those vignettes, the real winner is me for not having to watch them any more. As for who takes the big red coins home, let’s flip a far smaller one to find out.
The coin’s prediction: Viking Raiders
This whole affair starts with what the BBC would describe as a scuffle in the parking lot between the two teams that ends with Erik being slammed through the windscreen of Braun Strowman’s car, causing all four teams to realise and scatter inside the arena. The fight continues in the bowels of the building, where, for whatever reason, the two pairs find golf clubs and bowling balls.
Oh, I see. This isn’t going to be a match at all, is it.
The two teams grab their respective paraphernalia and square off before agreeing to drop their weapons and fight properly. They do, for the shortest of times, before Montez Ford gets a bowling ball in the nads and Angelo Dawkins hits an enormous running tackle into Ivar and through a glass door!! Oofty. This whole thing is ridiculous, but I enjoyed that.
After a flashback of all the things these teams have been competing in over the last few weeks, they help each other back to their feet and start arguing about why they keep using weapons on each other. Eventually they agree to take this outside even though they’re already outside, and as the teams stand up to one another… we hear the sound of motorbikes revving in the distance. The teams notice, and look in the direction of the noise. What on earth is this now.
I check with Tam that she hasn’t spiked my coffee with LSD as a row of seven bikers square up to the two teams. The rider in the centre steps off and removes his helmet to reveal that yes, you guessed it… it’s Akira Tozawa! Gah, I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming.
He says, in Japanese, “anything you can do, we can do better!”, which… I don’t think means anything, but I doubt it’s important. The Profits and the Raiders get together in a huddle and agree that the guys on the motorbikes are, of course, ninjas, and the only way to defeat them is to team up. I mean, sure. They stand together, and a “Viking Profits” nameplate swishes onto the screen! Oh my god! It’s happening!!
Tozawa has an epileptic fit before summoning all his allies – who were ninjas after all – to attack this new fatal foursome. The two Vikings put one ninja through a car windscreen in the only notable spot of what I’m going to generously describe as a comedy segment, and when all’s said and done, of course, the Viking Profits stand tall and hit a big four-way fist bump to end this? Please?
Oh no. Akira Tozawa is still alive, and he gestures in Japanese for further help… and it arrives in the form of The Mega Ninja! Not his official name, but what I’m seeing is a seventh ninja who looks about eight feet tall. Both teams look scared as he goes for his samurai sword, turning and jumping on some crates to take them up on top of the production truck.
The teams regroup… then start fighting each other! Where have that huge ninja and Akira Tozawa gone?! I GUESS IT DOESN’T MATTER, as the two teams fight until they all either get thrown or jump off the truck and into a huge garbage dumpster. Wow, that was… something, and now it’s over.
IT’S NOT OVER! A female referee appears to tell Ivar he’s cute and Erik not so much, and at this point, I’m close to closing my browser forever. The four lay in the garbage bags until they hear a grumbling roar… and they’re attacked by a huge black tentacle! WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.
The four teams scramble for safety, desperately trying to get away from the tentacle… and we fade to black. Is that it? Really? That’s where this ends?
Losers: Literally Everybody
I hoped this would be a match that would spell an end of the vignettes between these two teams, but it was pretty much the complete opposite: not a match at all, and in fact one enormous vignette that ran for the longest 14 minutes in recent memory. I just… I don’t know what to say. WWE and AEW have been taking advantage of these cinematic, pre-recorded matches and segments quite often throughout the Pandemic Era, and while some have been brilliantly done… others have not. This, in my opinion, was an example of the latter. Sorry, lads.
The main question is this: how on earth do you follow one of the worst wrestling segments ever?
Edge vs Randy Orton
(Greatest) Singles (Wrestling) Match (Ever)
Well, here we are. Standing on the precipice of history. We are about to witness the Greatest. Wrestling. Match. EVER. Greater than Shawn vs Taker, Bret Hart vs Stone Cold, or Duke “The Dumpster” Droese’s epic but oft-overlooked first round King of the Ring defeat to Kama in 1995. I’m not serious, but I do absolutely love Duke.
I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing some more pandemic-era cinematic wrestling action, from which I think Randy Orton will emerge victorious. After Edge completed his fairytale comeback at Wrestlemania with a win over the Viper, I think Randall Keith will even the scores today with an eye on a massive blowoff match at SummerSlam. How they’ll top this match I’ll never know, but if anyone can do it, it’s these guys.
My prediction: That damned Randy Orton
I notice we’re only just over two hours into this show as the two men make their entrances, so I expect this match to go long. Edge’s music warps at the end, and the two men are introduced by a recording of the late, great Howard Finkel. Lovely stuff.
The Performance Centre crowd are red hot for this match, which seems like it’s happening live, but I’m pretty certain was pre-recorded – so I’m looking out for unusual camera angles. Our referee Charles Robinson lays out the rules, adding to the drama – and we’re underway.
Okay. There’s a solid five minutes of back-and-forth wrestling fundamentals from both men, with neither gaining a significant advantage. Edge then hits a massive big boot on Orton outside the ring that puts him properly in control for the first time, but it doesn’t last long, as Randy recovers with a huge European uppercut that the commentators note will do damage to Edge’s repaired neck.
Edge goes back to Orton’s left arm and shoulder, which he’s been working on with arm drags and submissions up to this point, and we return to some classic pro wrestling back and forthery between two men who are not only vastly experienced and immeasurably talented, but also know each other so well. You can really tell. Their chemistry and pacing is fantastic so far.
The two battle inside the ring and out until Edge finds himself on the top rope. Orton crushes him with a right hand and seems to be going for a superplex to the floor that would surely cause dollar signs to appear in the eyes of any local medical facility employees – but Edge fights out of it, headbutts Orton onto the apron, and launches himself at Randy, hitting a clothesline that crashes both men to the floor!
It’s the first properly big spot of the match, and it’s reflected by Randy Orton’s face, which JR would call a crimson mask. He’s absolutely gushing blood – it seemed to happen at the headbutt rather than the clothesline, but either way, Orton is bloodied and dizzy.
Edge takes over. He punches Orton repeatedly in the face to try to exacerbate the wound, then whips him into the ropes and follows in with big knees to the gut. Edge then tries to get Orton down into the crossface, a brilliant move considering Orton’s injured arm, shoulder and head – but Randy gets to the ropes too quickly for it to have much effect. Orton leaps up, into the RKO! RKO! NO, HE MISSED IT!! Edge goes down to the floored Orton and goes for the head and arm choke he won with at WrestleMania!! Randy gets to the ropes again! Phew. That was an explosive sequence. You know what, the Greatest Ever build to this match has been absurd, but I’ve got to say… it’s quite brilliant at the moment.
Orton hits a neckbreaker on Edge that puts him back in command. Edge rolls to the outside, but Randy follows him, and launches him into everything he can find – barricade, announce table, steel stairs, the works. Edge’s head and neck are being targeted strongly by the Viper now as he rolls in and out to reset the count – lovely touch – before Orton hits a big back suplex onto the announce table that looks like it might finish Edge. Rolls him in, cover, one, two… kickout! This is so great. I’m really enjoying it.
Orton is all over Edge now. His blood has stopped flowing and he slowly dissects Edge with all his signatures over the next few minutes. The switcheroo comes when Orton goes for the Three Amigos suplexes but Edge reverses, leaving both men down. They then have a Ric Flair chop-off that Edge just about gets the best of before Orton takes the action to the outside and smashes Edge’s head and chest into the ringpost, putting him down yet again.
After further top rope back and forthery, Randall Keith hits Cowboy Bob’s superplex on Edge for a two count, and after the two men collide to put them both down, Edge goes back to the top rope again to try to finish Orton, Randy catches him and looks for the draping DDT – Edge escapes! EDGECUTION! He can’t roll over quickly enough into the cover… gets there! TWO COUNT ONLY! Nice. So nice. Massive This is awesome! chant from the crowd, and yes, it is. It really is.
Edge hits a barrage of knee and elbow strikes on Orton then a cross body for two, but both men are exhausted, and it takes a little time for them both to get back to their feet. We’re well over half an hour into this match now, so it’s no surprise… Orton goes for a rollup, Edge reverses into another crossface! Crossface on Orton! He’s struggling! Randy just about gets out, Edge goes for it again, Olympic Slam from Orton on Edge for two!
Man, this is intense. Edge gets a two count from a running powerbomb before being dumped outside the ring by Randy again. He tries to climb back in, but this time, Orton does catch him, and there it is! The draping DDT from Orton! Edge is down and out, but Randy is very slow to recover himself, and in fact doesn’t go for a cover since Edge has his leg on the ropes. Orton sets up for the RKO, Edge pushes him away, Randy off the ropes, goes for the Unprettier, Orton skips over, misses another RKO… EDGE-O-MATIC! One! Two! Oooohhhh, Randy kicks out again! I honestly love this match. This is so bloody good.
Edge is in the corner looking for the Spear… Orton dodges, misses the snap powerslam! Unprettier! Two count only!! Another this is awesome chant rings out around the PC, though I’m absolutely certain a regular live crowd would be screaming exactly the same thing.
Both men are struggling. It could go either way. Randy boots Edge in the gut, very low… he’s got both arms hooked! Is he going for it?! HE IS! PEDIGREE ON EDGE!! One! Two!! KICKOUT! Unbelievable. Edge kicked out of the Pedigree! He recovers, Orton bounces off the ropes… ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! Edge hits the Rock Bottom on Orton! One! Two! NO!! Another legend’s move used, another two count! THIS IS AWESOME!
Both men are getting desperate. Edge gets two with a backslide, Orton rocks Edge with a back elbow, but Edge hangs him up on the ropes and goes for some rollups that Randy kicks out of over and over… RKO! RKO FROM OUTTA NOWHERE!! Randy Orton EXPLODES into the RKO, and that’s it! It must be! One! Two!
KICKOUT KICKOUT KICKOUT!! Edge barely kicks out of the RKO! One of the closest kickouts I’ve ever seen. Incredible stuff.
Orton can’t believe it… so he sets up for the punt. He’s going to kick Edge’s head off. Edge raises his bones in the corner, Orton charges in… SPEAR! SPEAR! Edge hits a spear… AND ANOTHER ONE! Two spears from Edge on Orton! That’s the finish! One! Two! OH MY GOD ANOTHER KICKOUT. WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Fight Forever! rings out around the arena, and yeah, I agree. Please fight forever. They’ve been going for about 45 minutes at this stage – it’s become a sudden-death Iron Man. Edge is whipped into the corner, he nips up and jumps at Orton… RKO! Another RKO! One! Two! ANOTHER BLOODY KICKOUT! Edge kicks out of another RKO!!
Orton looms over Edge and drags him up by his hair. He wants the finish… but Edge gets that head and arm choke again! Orton is in trouble! He knees Edge… it looks like a low blow! Randy knees Edge right in the balls, then charges in… PUNT! Oh my god, he kicked his damned head off! Orton goes into the cover! One… two… three! Edge is out cold! Orton wins!
Winner: Randy Orton (5/7)
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I genuinely wished that would go on forever. If the entire pay-per-view had been three hours of these two men fighting, you wouldn’t have heard me complaining.
In the build up to this match, we were all saying its moniker was absurd, but while I don’t think it was the greatest match ever, or even my favourite match ever… it was right up there. This was bloody amazing. If you haven’t seen it, you really, really should.
Post-match, Orton gets down in Edge’s face as he stares up at the PC’s enormous ceiling fan, probably wondering the same as I did at the start of the night.
He tells Edge to go home to his girls, and tell them Uncle Randy said hi. It looks like a single tear rolls out of Edge’s eye and down his cheek. I don’t know if I actually saw that or just that I wanted to, but even still… wow. What a way to finish this pay per view.
Amazing stuff. So amazing that I don’t even remember that Viking Profits nonsense. The rest of the event was pretty good overall, I’d say, but there’s a reason that Edge/Randy was the main event – it was very, very, very, very good.
That’s it from me – I’m going for a lie down. I’ve been Mike, thanks for joining me, and I’ll see you next time!