America’s Greatest Wrestling Triumphs

Our Stateside contributor reinforces several stereotypes about his boastful compatriots on Independence Day…

Hulk Hogan Royal Rumble 1991

Today is the 4th of July in the United States. It is our Independence Day. It is a time for us to celebrate by grilling hot dogs, drinking beer, and shooting off fireworks.

It is also a time to bask in our own remarkable levels of self-importance by overstating our superiority and freedoms compared to the rest of the world. One of those areas of superiority just happens to be the world of professional wrestling.

Throughout its history, Americans have shown just how dominant they are over the rest of the wrestling world. Whether it be a first accomplishment or winning in enemy territory, the proud wrestlers of America have shown they get what they want and earn it too.

Don’t believe me? Take a look at these times America has shown just out great they are in the wrestling world.

10. D’Lo Brown Becomes The First Eurocontinental Champion

That’s right, the first ever simultaneous Champion of Europe and all continents was D’Lo Brown. D’Lo’s trash talking, head bobbing ways lead him to become the first man to win both titles. While his reign was not long, an American accomplishing this feat first shows how strongly superior American talent was to the rest of the world at the time.

9. Sid Represents America

We all love Sid. And who wouldn’t wants Sid Vicious being the man to hold America’s title? At Fall Brawl 1999, Sid defeated Canadian Chris Benoit for the United States Championship. It is the first of many great American triumphs over foreigners. And this actually turned out to be a triumph over a pretty evil Canadian as well. Sid was on a record undefeated streak as he was on the march to surpass Bill Goldberg’s winning streak at the time.

8. Charlotte Flair Gets What She Wants

Tall. Blonde. Athletic. Good Looking. The ideal American woman if you believe the folklore of America. Charlotte Flair pretty much embodies all of that. And in the build up to Wrestlemania 35, not only did she get into the main event of the show without earning it. She won the Smackdown Women’s title in the build up to the show without earning it. And guess what? That is exactly what happens when you are the ideal American poster child. You get what you want and that’s it.

On This Day in Wrestling History...22nd July

7. Kevin Nash Unmasks Rey Mysterio

In Mexico, losing a mask is considered a pretty big deal. Now while Rey Mysterio was born in America, he has a strong lucha libre and Mexican heritage and wrestled a ton in Mexico. Unmasking is considered huge in lucha libre culture. And when Kevin Nash and Scott Hall defeated Rey Mysterio and Konnan in a hair vs mask match at Superbrawl 99, Nash was able to take Rey’s mask and put it on his wall for framing. It is actually very disrespectful for Rey to be wrestling with his mask to this day. But since Kevin Nash is such a great American, he allows Rey to hide his face as he continues his career.

6. Can’t You See Chris Adams? Can’t You See?

Of course I have to get some shots in at my British colleagues. Chris Adams was a part of World Class Championship Wrestling during the 1980s. He at one point turned heel and teamed up with Gino Hernandez, an All American bad boy.

When friction grew between the team, Adams and Hernandez fought in a hair vs hair match. Adams, for some reason, tried being a nice guy and refused to pin Hernandez. This eventually lead to Hernandez using the hair removal cream and blinding Adams.

Why are you Brits so nice? You should use the example of All American Bad Boy Gino Hernandez and change your ways so you have a better chance of getting what you want.

5. The All-American American Owns Canada

There were many heads turned when Jack Swagger won the Money in the Bank ladder match at Wrestlemania 26. But Swagger quickly proved all doubters wrong.

After winning the MITB contract, Swagger cashed in on Canadian Chris Jericho on the following Smackdown. He did what another Canadian Edge couldn’t do at Wrestlemania and win the World title. The All-American American then went on to beat both men in a triple threat match on the following Smackdown.

On This Day in Wrestling History...23rd July

Swagger showed his superior wrestling ability that he learned growing up in Perry, Oklahoma. And then he had a sandwich named after him, the Swaggie. And that my foreign friends is what every American truly strides for.

4. John Cena Overcomes The Odds

Throughout his entire WWE career, great American John Cena has constantly overcome the odds left and right. But John Cena has constantly shown the American way of overcoming those odds and coming out triumphant in the end.

At Unforgiven 2006, John Cena had the deck stacked against him. In order to get the WWE title back, Cena had to face Edge in his signature match: a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. Not only that, but the match was in Edge’s hometown of Toronto. But John Cena was up to the task. Cena defeated Edge in enemy territory and reclaimed the WWE Championship. it is always tough to win in an enemy territory. But Cena did just that.

photo: WWE

3. Shawn Michaels Sends Bret Hart Packing

After some early losses to The Hitman in his career, Shawn Michaels got the better of him starting at Wrestlemania 12. Then, Michaels got the best of Bret Hart yet again at the 1997 Survivor Series.

While I have another Bret Hart item on this list next, this might be the ultimate humiliation in the career of Bret Hart. Shawn Michaels defeated him for the WWF title with his own finishing maneuver. Michaels did it in Canada, where Bret Hart was a national hero. And the Heartbreak Kid sent Bret Hart packing out of the WWF. Bret Hart left the company with his tail tucked between his legs and Shawn Michaels won the American/Canadian War for the WWF and American wrestling fans everywhere.

2. Hulk Hogan Does What Canada Couldn’t

Going into Wrestlemania 9, Yokozuna was on a tear. He was squashing anyone that was put it front of him. He dominated the 93 Rumble and had a match with Bret Hart for the WWF title. Yoko won. How could an evil Japanese foreigner walk out of Wrestlemania with the WWF Championship?

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Well thankfully for us, Hulk Hogan was there to save the day. Hogan made quick work of Yokozuna and did what a weak Canadian in Bret Hart couldn’t. Once again America showed its superiority over both Canada and Japan here. Hulk Hogan was there to save the day and send the people in attendance at Wrestlemania 9 home happy.

1. Shawn Michaels Wins In The Queen’s Country

I am not going to lie. I intentionally put this moment at number one. I know that a strong majority of Hooked on Wrestling’s fan base and writing staff is from the UK. But what better way to show just how superior America is when it comes to the wrestling world by giving an example of where an American hero won in England?

The British Bulldog was the European Champion. He had the entire backing of his country and family behind him as he defended the European title against great American Shawn Michaels. But the weight of the expectations got to the Bulldog. And because of that, Shawn Michaels was able to defeat him for the European Championship.

Fans in England were livid. But what were they really upset about? Michaels winning, or Bulldog letting them down? We may never know. But just like he would do in a few months again, Michaels walked into enemy territory and came out a Champion.

Now that this is all set and done. I hope you know that this was completely meant as satire. I respect all wrestlers and people from around the world. I just wanted to have a little fun with everyone being one of the few American writers on this site (Ed’s note: and after reading this article, we may not hire many more…).

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